This is a short story included with the No More Heroes Official Guide – UAA Ranker’s Bible. It relates the story of one of Travis Touchdown’s first assassinations.
A friend of mine (I am not sure if or how he wants to be credited) translated the story with the help of a machine translator.
By his own admission, this translation is by no means perfect, so I will update this page if he ever decides to go back and perfect it or if anyone else ever takes a crack at it.
-One Day of Travis Touchdown ~
-1-
When I was a kid, my father took me to Destroy Stadium for a baseball game. Our Destroy Warriors were as bad as ever. It’s about 18 to 0 in 9 runs, just before the loss of an inning. Then, I saw Henry Rollins, No. 4, come onto the field. Rollins is big, lumpy, has a masculine aura, and every year despite the Destroy Warriors constantly at the bottom of the league, he has the best performance, and is a hero to us. He always decided the outcome in the final moment, and let me be nervous.
-2-
That day, Rollins came to me. After two strikes, Rollins leaned back on a sharp swing with a sweet straight inside corner. The ball goes straight to the left stand where I was. It was a very pleasant moment. I jumped out of the chair and shouted “Rollins !!” with MAX power. And it was time to look up to the sky and thrust up fisted hands. But I felt an intense pain at the tip of my nose.
And
Ahhhhhhh!
Not good
Ahhhhhhh!
It was
Not good
Ahhhhhhh!
Maybe.
Anyway, blood exploded like fireworks and I was knocked down on the spot. In front of me, I saw a Rollins home run ball that turned red with my nosebleeds and hot spicy chili. But I got the nosebleed ball and I felt like it was all right. Good memories. When I remember, my nose feels a bit cold. However, there is a continuation of this “good memories”.
-3-
That was before I started being an assassin. The Mafia in Santa Destroy had a man who ran up a heavy debt gambling, and was looking for a mischievous man to give him the drop-off. The amount of money wasn’t bad. I didn’t like it a bit, but my wallet was empty, so I decided to do it. Turns out Rollins was the one that people said “had a heavy debt in a gambling, and is crazy about it.”
One year after Rollins had caught the exhibition surface, he cut his ligaments tightly during the game, causing his batting to be completely useless. He retired immediately. So it’s already a regular course. After falling, it was fine that he became a “man who had a heavy debt in gambling and was crazy about it.”
Information from the piedot’s pishop led me to him somehow, and I was waiting for Rollins. It was like this, but I was looking forward to it. What a man, Rollins! For the time being, I prepared colored paper and a pen. After a while, I found the old No. 4 batter, who was holding the bottle in one hand and moving his sulky body sulkingly.
Oioioi, what a hell …. Is this Rollins? Spicy past memories and gennary present conditions. I’m sorry at all … When this happens, I’ll do the past and present together, and I’ll do it, Rollins. Come on, work. I threw a color change and a pen and told Rollins.
“I’ll let you take your life. You don’t even know why?”
However, Rollins was unresponsive and just puked.
“Well …”
I drew my beam katana.
-4-
It was at that time. Rollins dropped the bottle and walked out of the way, pulling a heavy steel pipe from a nearby construction site. And he stood in front of me in the exact same stance from that day when I broke my nose so painfully and when he hit that most pleasant homerun.
“… play ball, Boss”
I was delighted. I’ve been jerky. Was the former superstar offering a match for me?
“OK, I know, Rollins”
At a stretch, my tension was different until the highest, and I squeezed the handle of the beam katana. And we rushed with heavier weight. I need two balls and a third ball for such a game. One ball right down the middle. Each other knew it and I threw straight from the front. To that end, Rollins has taken a sharper swing than in his heyday. I dodged it and let my body pillow. The next moment, my beam katana pierced Rollins’ body.
Game set.
Pulling out my beam katana, Rollins’ large body fell to the ground. And, his eyes looked big and used; staring at the ball until the end.
“After all, you were the best batter, Rollins”
I put the home run ball away.
.
.
.
.
.
And on the way home, it was a waste.
-5-
“This is 10 consecutive losses for Doro ??” Television commentary signaled the defeat of Destroy Warriors in a cold voice.
How about, Rollins. Are you refreshed in that world too? Well, it’s not so different from when you were a strong man. But when you were there, it was certainly interesting. By the way, the love of losing a job has been cleared. And somehow, I have a premonition today, Rollins. I have a feeling that I’m likely to meet you like a home run ball.
END